What’s in this issue:
💭 Thought: “We don’t listen, we reload.”
🖊️ Reflection: In what situations do you go into “reload mode”? And how well are you listening to yourself?
📚 Read: “Discussing Hard Topics in Organizations Obsessed with Optimism”
😆 Today’s Laugh
“Nice, Ron.” 🙄 🤣
💭 Today’s Thought
We don’t listen, we reload.
- Unknown
So often, we think we’re listening in a conversation, but really we’re “reloading” by doing things like:
Planning our response, or the next question we’ll ask
Thinking about experiences we’ve had that remind us of what the other person is describing (and sometimes assuming they’re exactly the same)
Brainstorming solutions
Unfortunately, when we engage in this way, we’re unintentionally telling the person across from us, “I see your problem.”
Instead, when we truly and deeply listen — when we suspend our own thoughts, judgements, beliefs, and feelings — we tell the other person, “I see you.”
What a powerful shift, and a wonderful gift to be able to give someone — to help them feel truly seen. 💜
Of course, we won’t be able to completely eliminate going into “reload mode”, but we can get better at noticing when it happens and reconnecting quickly. Here are a few things that help me get out of my own head in those moments:
Rubbing my fingers together or biting my tongue just a teensy bit — a physical sensation always helps to pull us back into the present moment.
Admitting when I get distracted and asking someone to repeat what they just said.
Telling myself, “This is their experience, not yours.” This stops me from reliving my past, and from incorrectly (and unfairly) pattern matching someone else’s situation to something I went through.
I’m currently working on showing up as a better listener at the dinner table with my family — what about you? And what helps you reconnect? Shoot me a note — I’d love to hear.
🖊️ Today’s reflection
If you’re new to journaling, I highly encourage you to read Nancy Adler’s article: Want to be an outstanding leader? Keep a journal.
This week, find a quiet place and gift yourself 10 minutes to reflect on any of these prompts (or invent your own!):
In what situations or conversations do you tend to go into “reload mode”?
What’s a time when you felt really listened to? What did the other person do (and not do) to help you feel that way?
On a scale of 1 to 5 (where 5 is awesome), how well are you listening to yourself? What would a 5 look like?
📚 Today’s Read
Discussing Hard Topics in Organizations Obsessed with Optimism
From the article: “If you’re noticing that your team is a little too focused on the positive, it may be time to dig into what’s not being said. Professors Ginka Toegel and Jean-Louis Barsoux have developed a useful framework for teams to think about ‘undiscussables.’” Click here to read more.
See you next week!
xo,
Anne